wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
