have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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