White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
