I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
