another moral hangover. fuck.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
