dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
