real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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