I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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