if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
