OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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