Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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