he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Green mimosas i think yes
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
