I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
