A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
