What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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