what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
