The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
