i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
