You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
