Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
