he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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