my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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