I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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