Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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