i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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