it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
