Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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