I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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