Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
