she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
