okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need to sanitize my soul.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
