How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize