the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
