Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
