I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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