remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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