Yo dont text me then not text me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
