I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize