I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
