I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need water and some morals
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
