why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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