am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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