kristin has been a bad kristin
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
