So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
