I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
