if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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