wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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