I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
