I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
