i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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