My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
