I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
