onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
