All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
