I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
