I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I checked into jail on foursquare
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
