My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
