oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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