it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
