I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
soo... how was my night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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