she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
