Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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