We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
