beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
