i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
