What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
