i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
