I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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