I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
